I read a really great post on the Think Splendid blog recently about how false praise begets mediocrity. While it was not the main point of her post, Liene mentioned that everyone needs an encourager as well as someone who’s willing to tell them the truth about their life, even when it hurts to hear it. I’m going to extend her point a bit and say that your spouse needs to hear both encouragement as well as honest critique from you on his or her life.

Sometimes it’s easy to point to all the things that are not going well. Even if you’re already addressing those issues graciously, I’d urge you to spend some time thinking about all the areas where your spouse could use your encouragement instead. What are the things that are going well? What are the things that he or she does that you really appreciate and enjoy? Which of his or her characteristics do you particularly cherish?

Then sometimes, it’s easier to not address things (eg. habits, tendencies, decisions, etc.) that aren’t major issues at the moment, but which are headed in a problematic direction. Your spouse needs to hear the truth from you about those things. Everyone has blind spots in their life. Be the person to address these areas for your spouse but remember to do so graciously. At the end of the day, critique is not the goal. Your goal is to benefit your spouse.

Finally, who are the people in your life that you can turn to for encouragement and honesty? Seek those people and look for opportunities to be that for someone else.