Author: Jocelyn Chi (41 Articles)
Jocelyn is the founder and editor of Something Bleu Magazine. She is also a wedding and portrait photographer based out of Houston, TX.
So we’ve talked a bit about Getting Started on Your Wedding Planning and about Setting a Budget For Your Wedding. And these are very important topics. But as far as wedding planning goes, the most important thing you can do right now is to prepare for your marriage. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in all the wedding planning and forget that the wedding planning is about the marriage, not just the wedding.
Here are some questions to help you jump start your planning conversations. The goal is for you to get to know each other even better than you already do – and to get on the same page in terms of how to address some of these issues.
1) What is your common ground?
Relationships are always developed over shared purposes or common interests. So what is the single most important thing that you two share together? Or in other words, what is the basis of your relationship? What is most important to both of you?
2) What do you like about your fiance?
Okay, so this question might seem a little bit silly – given that you’re getting married so there must be tons of things that you like about your fiance, right? But it’s a good idea to go through these things – and maybe even list them out – you’ll be super good at listing all these things now, and it’ll be a great reminder for you to look at this list later.
3) What are your biggest differences?
Everybody’s different – and even though you might have a lot of things in common, you two are no different. So let’s identify these areas. Where are your biggest differences – in terms of priorities, plans for life, goals, desires, etc. – and how do you plan on addressing these differences?
4) What’s the agreement on budgeting, roles, getting stuff done around the house, etc.
Being married means that you start a new life together. That means that not only do you share a life, a name, and a family together, you also share a home, and all the responsibilities of running that home. How do you two plan on taking care of those responsibilities? How are finances going to be taken care of or addressed? Is one of you better with numbers and Excel spreadsheets? Does one of you love to cook? How and when are meals going to happen? Although it’s not likely that things at home are going to look exactly how you envisioned it before you were married, it’s still great to start talking about these things – and hashing out all those expectations now.
5) How do you plan to rest and recreate?
You love hanging out together and you probably love doing this together. But you’ll also need to rest and recreate – both individually and as a couple. How this happens for you probably has a lot to do with your personalities. Extroverts tend to get energized when they’re with other people, while introverts tend to need at least some time by themselves to feel refreshed. Learn what your fiance’s habits and preferences are now, and take time to talk about things you can do together, and things you can do for each other to make sure that both of you get recharged from time to time. This also leads us to our next topic…
6) How much personal space and time will each of you need?
This might seem like a silly question but this is an issue that can come up from time to time, especially if one of you is an introvert, or if one of you needs a lot of dedicated quiet study and/or reflection time. If you need a set amount of concentrated time for work, study, reflection, or something else, make sure discuss this so you can build this into your expectations for your family schedule together.
7) How and when will you hang out with your friends (and family)?
This is very related to #6. The way you spend your time (both personally and with other people) changes a lot when you get married. This necessarily affects even your best relationships. You’ll obviously want to maintain your relationships with your family friends while figuring out all the ins and outs of your new life with your spouse. So talking ahead of time about (and scheduling) time to maintain important relationships is a great idea.
8) What will your home revolve around?
Do you want your home to be a place of rest and refuge, a workspace, a place of hospitality and friends and fun, or something else? You might have very differing ideas about how you want your place structured depending on the purposes you want it to serve, so this is a great time to start discussing your priorities for your home together.
9) What will be the role will your immediate family and in-laws play in your family life?
This is somewhat related to #8 above but also includes a lot more, especially in the area of decision making. What will be your parents’ and in-laws’ influence with regard to your decision making as a couple? And how much are you, as a couple, going to share about issues and things you’ll go through, especially as you transition into a new family in your first year? Talking about this now is a great idea because a lot of these issues often come up quickly, especially with regards to conflict resolution behavior.
